I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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