i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
