i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
