I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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