Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
