I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize