Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
