I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ketchup is God's man juice
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I want to fling myself into the sun
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
