Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize