I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
