I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can tuck mytits in my pants
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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