so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
