meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
