I just gift wrapped bread.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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