Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize