walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
