this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am available for nakedness
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
