my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
