I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it glows. i had to have it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
