Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
