i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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