She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
