walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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