i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
