Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
