i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
