he thought i was a dude.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
