laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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