It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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