last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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