This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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