How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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