as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
