if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
