I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
