I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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