My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
