She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
