I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
