he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
