Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
