It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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