Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
