Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize