Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
