chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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