I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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