You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
