I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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