That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize