apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
