Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
