we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
