So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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