....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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