This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
