I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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