I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
