Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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