How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
