first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
