I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
