He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Terrible idea I love it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
