I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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